Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard At BP Headquarters"

10. 'Huh?'

9. 'Happy Cinco de Mayo. 'Nother margarita?'

8. 'We got a nice thank you note from the Toyota people'

7. 'Any way we can pin this on the Times Square bomber?'

6. 'We just got a nice thank you note from the Goldman Sachs people.'

5. 'I hope they get Robert Wagner to play me in the TV movie.'

4. 'One day, 10,000 years from now, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.'

3. 'Let me tell you something, you can't buy this kind of publicity.'

2. 'Tell everybody it's our free oil giveaway bonanza.'

1. 'Everyone gets a bonus.'

*Anybody from the Gulf of Mexico area? It's going to be the biggest ecological
disaster on the history of the planet. And today, a tourist thought they saw a
blowfish in the Gulf of Mexico.
Turned out to be a flounder holding its breath. ~David Letterman

*Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up
their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A.
Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ~Bill Maher

*Well, scientists are predicting that the oil from the BP spill will eventually reach the shores of Florida. So if you hated visiting your grandparents before,
wait until you're hosing down their oily bodies after a long day at the beach. ~Jimmy Fallon

*Hey, here's some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water, huh? ~Jay Leno

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