Police Comments taken off of actual police car videos:
*Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.
*If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.
*Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.
*Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.
*The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not:
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?
*Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.
*No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.
*Just how big were those two beers
*I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours,
at least you know someone who can post your bail.
*You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.