“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo… on your face. You better be committed.” ~ Eat Pray Love
"Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you." ~Ray Romano
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas." ~Paula Poundstone
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla." ~Jim Bishop
“Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble." ~Martin Mull
"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it." ~Monta Crane
"A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ~Erma Bombeck
“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says “keep away from children.” ~Susan Savannah
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” ~ Bill Cosby
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