Groucho Marx Quotes
*Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
*I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
*You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
*Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
*Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
*I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
*Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
*Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
*I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One man for one woman was good for your grandmother.
But who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody. Not even your grandfather!
*I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
*Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning.
Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
*I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
*From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I convulsed with laughter.
Someday I intend on reading it.
*Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
*Woman: "I've never been so insulted in my life."
Groucho: "Well, it's early yet."
*One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
*I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
*I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me.
*Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor. Which is probably more than she ever did.
*Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.